This morning after dropping my older kids off at school I headed to Walmart with my two-year-old to buy one thing. 45 minutes and every single aisle later, I’d picked out new pajamas for each kid (summer pajamas, they’re important), groceries even though my pantry is bursting with random crap, a new mop head, ice packs, some stickers to hand out for good behavior, and a million other little things that my husband would say that I don’t need but I truly feel like my life isn’t complete without.
As I made my way to the line, I saw a familiar face in the quick check out aisle. It was a mom who I’m Facebook friends with but hadn’t seen in person for over two years. I’d been witnessing her life online and kept in touch with a comment here or there, but our babies weren’t in the same playgroup anymore and we’d lost touch.
“Hey, M! How are you?” I said from my line, expecting the standard, “Fine, you?” before we parted ways. But she didn’t say “fine.” She told the truth and asked me if I was free to get a cup of coffee.
I was and after we both paid, we met at the McDonalds inside of the Walmart. She bought her little girl a chocolate muffin, I bought my son a hash brown. We both clutched our coffee like the nectar from the gods that it is and sat across from each other.
She started talking about her life: her struggles and her pains. I listened.
As we talked, our children ate their snacks and then retreated under the table to play on the questionable floor that was littered with pieces of McDonald’s finest cuisine.
We talked about husbands, ex-husbands, our children, the things that make us cry, the things that make us laugh and everything in between while our kids drank their juice and untied our shoes in their under-the-table fort.
About an hour in, our kids started getting loud and extra naughty- the universal signal of children that it’s time to go. We exchanged phone numbers and walked through the parking lot together.
As I drove home, I started thinking about beauty. Magazines and television tell us that beauty is something we need to purchase or exercise our way, to. They tell us that it’s something just a credit card swipe and layer of makeup away.
But this morning I experienced what real beauty is. Sitting in that Walmart McDonalds in my pajamas with my friend- bare-faced with dry lips as my child ate someone else’s crumbs under the table- that was beautiful. My friend telling the truth about her life when she could have said, “I’m fine,” that was beautiful. Two moms pausing their lives to be there for each other was beautiful. You can’t buy that. It doesn’t require any special lotions or dyes. Just two people, being real and letting each other into the deep, dark parts of their beings.
Driving home I realized that the way we’re going to get through this life with all of its razor sharp edges, unexpected drops, and lonely walks across rickety bridges is to bask in the beauty that is telling each other the whole, unfiltered truth. Until we’re willing to take off our masks and just be imperfect, struggling people, we’ll never experience the real beauty that life has to offer, only the magazine airbrushed version and I’m telling you, that one doesn’t come close.
So, to all of you, I want you to know that you’re not the only one without a picture perfect Instagram life. There are other people like you who wake up scared, numb, or sad, wondering how they’re going to do it today. There are other mothers who are fighting for their children or marriages and praying that they make it out of the storm intact. There are other moms who’s physical or mental health is a daily battle that they have to suit up for every single day.
I’m not going to say it gets easier, because that hasn’t my experience. But what does make it better, is letting go of what we’re told makes life good- manufactured beauty- and holding on to what’s really beautiful- taking solace in each other.
I walked out of Walmart today with less money but felt richer in the only way that matters. If that isn’t beautiful, I don’t know what is.
*** By Bunmi Laditan ***