“To the woman I encountered in Target,
I’ve heard your judgment before, about how I “spoil” my baby, and how she’ll never learn to be “independent.” I simply smiled, kissed her head, and kept shopping.
If only you knew my reality.
If only you knew how she spent the first ten months of her life alone in a cold crib, with only her fingers for comfort.
If only you knew the look on her face when her caregiver first handed her to me to hold—a mixture of peace and fear. She’d never been held like that, and she didn’t know what to do.
If only you knew she wouldn’t cry after waking up, because no one would come.
If only you knew that anxiety was a constant, along with head-banging and rocking for comfort.
If only you knew that the baby in the carrier is already heartbreakingly “independent”—and how we’ll work tirelessly to overcome the trauma she’s experienced.
If only you knew my truth.
If only you knew that she now cries when she’s put down, not when she’s picked up.
If only you knew that she “sings” loudly in the mornings and after naps, because she knows her voice will bring someone to her.
If only you knew that she rocks to sleep in our arms, instead of alone.
If only you knew that she made everyone cry the day she reached out for comfort on her own.
If only you knew my truth.
“Spoiling” her is the most important thing I’ll ever do, and it’s a privilege. I’ll hold her as long as she lets me, because she’s learning she’s safe, she belongs, and she is loved.
If only you knew…”