When my 7 year old asked me if she could dye a streak of her hair, I laughed and said “Of course not.” It was said in a definitive tone with no wiggle room. I wasn’t even going to consider letting her dye her hair. And yet, just 2 weeks later, I brought her to a salon and helped her dye a streak of her hair.
What changed? I’m still not completely sure how she got me to change my mind – but she did. Let me try to pick apart what she did during those 2 weeks.
She reasoned with me. There was no whining, no complaining, no yelling or tantrums. But she wanted me to explain my reasons for saying “no” – and I had a hard time coming up with good reasons. We talked about hair dyeing as a slippery slope toward tattoos, piercings, etc. – but she was laughing out loud when I was saying this, and I quickly realized how ridiculous I was being. She reassured me that she had zero interest in tattoos, piercings, or any of the other things I mentioned – she only wanted to dye a small streak of her hair.
She had impeccable timing. She repeated her request multiple times over several days, but only when I was in a good mood and feeling good about my parenting skills. She asked about dying her hair after she had taken all her medications without complaint, or after she had done all her homework.
She told me that she would pay for it out of her allowance, signaling to me that this was important to her.
She suggested that we look at pictures of kids online with streaks of dye in their hair, so that she could show me what it would look like. And the pictures all looked so reasonable – the kids we saw looked like good kids.
When we were having a snack at a cafe across the street from our local salon, she persuaded me to stop in briefly, not to get a streak, but just to talk to the people there about what it would entail. I admit I was surprised at how easy, quick, and cheap it would be – and how common it is these days for kids to get streaks of dye in their hair.
And finally, when I said that we could do a streak, but ONLY if it was with temporary dye and no bleaching – she immediately agreed. I also insisted that she wait another full week, so that she would be completely sure that this is what she wanted.
The next weekend, I took her to get two streaks of red dye in her hair.
Credit goes to the respective owner.